Integrity

Question:

How can I be passionately true to my values, goals, commitments my conscience, and to myself?

Definition:

Well-developed integrity feels whole, positive and fulfilling, with warm self-esteem and a strong conscience. It is a healthy selfishiness. You sit in your own chair, see through your own eyes, hear your own voice and express yourself in an animated way. All the parts inside the person form a harmonious whole, with cooperative internal communication rather than inner fighting and arguments. The person knows what he or she wants, and demonstrates personal charisma. Actions match words. A person with well-developed integrity keeps commitments, resolves inner conflicts and does not engage in self-destructive behavior. While people with well-developed integrity sometimes seem selfish, they are more capable of genuine giving than those who give to "rescue" others.

What to do:

• Prior to entering any situation, ask yourself; "What do I want in this situation? And how would I know that I got what I wanted?"
• Know what you want before asking others about what they want.
• When you are mixed up, confused or not sure about what you want in a situation, it is time to negotiate with yourself. Mediate between the different parts of you who disagree. Do what it takes to end inner civil war and create internal agreement.
• For a specific method to enhance the wholeness of your integrity, see the VBL Self-Negotiation process under specialized victim cycle antidotes.

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