Preventing the Victim Cycle
Staying Positive Under Stress - Preventing The Victim Cycle
How can I prevent a cycle of negativity when there is stress and pain
from values violations?
When under stress, or when others make them angry, people often engage
in actions and communications that hurt relationships. The resulting problems
in working relationships can go round and round, harming the company. This
cycle claims many victims. While effective leaders remain aware of their
hurt feelings and violated values, they can pause and wisely choose how
to act and communicate.
What to do to prevent the victim cycle:
- Make a vow or personal oath to refrain from destructive behaviors and
not to cause harm to yourself or others.
- Use the victim cycle antidotes to pause and heal. Then expand your
thinking with your inner capabilities.
- Once you understand the situation, your goals and how to create a positive
outcome while minimizing harm, do what you can to help make a positive
How victims get stuck in victim cycles:
- Values Violations Victims ask themselves, "What are
my values violations?" Examples include anger, fear, guilt, frustration,
jealousy and disrespect.
- Feed-forward and Action Victims express their stress and
pain with blaming, avoiding, whining, labeling negatively, and sarcasm.
- Feedback Most of the time, victims bring about more pain
and victim behavior from others they relate to. Blaming creates feedback
in the form of blaming or avoiding. Labeling brings about labeling, blaming
or avoiding. And so on . . .