Crying or Feeling Sad


How can I allow the body's natural healing responses of crying or feeling sad to help me heal the pain of an event that violated my values?


In contrast to whining, crying or feeling sad is your original healing method. (The one you were born with.) Having a good cry or feeling really sad can help you heal your frustrations, anger and other values violation reactions after leaving the situation where your values were violated. You may be by yourself or with a supportive, understanding partner or partners. You cry about and feel sad about your frustration in a different context . . . one that is safe for you and doesn't harm anyone directly, nor their reputation. The purpose is to bring about your healing related to what happened in the situation and how you reacted to it. Crying and feeling sad is our original natural method of healing. It was with us when we were born as a tiny infant. And this method is appropriate for anyone, especially for those whose tendency under stress is whining. Culturally, women are more inclined to use this method. Women live significantly longer than men, and one reason is their ability to cry and feel sad. It is a strength for men and women if they can use this method when they choose.

What to do:

A good way to start is to review what happened and then allow yourself to naturally cry or feel sad about your pain and frustrations with the situation. Then when you feel better, consider your values, what you want and the alternative reactions and responses you could use to create a win for all concerned.

Conditions for appropriate use with others:

If you cry or feel sad with someone else, your supportive partner needs to agree to listen and be supportive to help you deal positively with the situation. Furthermore, your partner needs to be someone not immediately affected by the person or the situation.


Crying and feeling sad allows you to respond naturally to the pain in a situation that has violated your values in some way. With or without an appropriate "supportive partner" you can heal your hurt and stress without whining. That will preserve relationships that are involved with the situation. Once you have sufficiently healed, you can begin planning and designing ways to deal with the situation productively, whereby you, the others involved and the organization all benefit from what you do. The alternative is to react immediately, before healing, and the likely result would be to do harm.